Passion

Somebody asked me today If I could recollect something that made me really proud that I am me!! Something which I pursued or tried to do or did which probably others might not appreciate but about which I was passionate and I could take it to bed and keep it in the inner most part of my heart just for me to see and enjoy!! Some thing which I did, not to prove a point to anybody but becuase I simply loved to do it. And Boy O Boy I am already 22 and I dont have anything which I can claim that I am really passionate about. And I dont know what I should be doing to answer that question. And suddenly I am feeling insecure about my life . Not that I am dying tomorrow ( I hope not !! God Let me live a Long and good Life But Thy will be done. Amen) but its what am I going to do? I do believe that life is a journey not a destination but I feel its high time I realize what worthwhile thing I am going to do during this journey or am I going to whileaway my time with all those blackouts that I have had till today( hoping that tomorrow onwards I dont remember what these blackouts were!) . It may be the profession that I am going to be jumping into. But profession !! I dont know I know what kind of work excites me. One of the company( that I am joining) officials who came to recruit me told me that he all this talk, discussion etc about machinery and mills and the likes of it, basically his work gave him orgasms(poor wife!!). Hmm I smiled wrily but couldn't really agree much with him. I can't really think of a profession that drives me crazy. that gives me a kick. And I dont have any other activity so to say so that at the twilight of my life I can say this is what I did and feel proud about it not giving a damn what others think. May be its too early but even then !!

I am still trying to really think very hard. May be I shouldn't because I realize that it is some thing that should come easily to you. May be some day a bug bites me and I know what I really love to do the most . Hope, wish and pray that day isn't too far, rather its sooner. And Im waiting

Parting thoughts !!
Should write shorter sentences .
Today I dont carry a head ache to bed as against the last few days
Tomorrow I need to take the M vs H measurements.
Life is Unfair but Beautiful

Blackouts

Well most of the time my mind is hung as if I have Windows XP as my operating system. Actually most of the time the thoughts that wander through my mind are rather nothing. ZILCH!!. Let me try to understand this .Most of the times I can’t think or recollect what I have been thinking about, the previous moment. I don’t know what I have been thinking, why I have been thinking what I have been thinking and I haven’t actually figured out how not to think what I think or what I rather don’t!! Whof I am getting confused

I realize that I have done a bad job of actually describing what the real problem is. But that is somewhat the whole crux of the problem. Actually whenever I want to synergize my thoughts I find the task unmanageable. I find it really difficult to crystallize my thoughts into a something like of an epitaxially grown thin film in one particular direction. And this some what hampers my ability logically construct any argument. A rather distinct lack of alertness at almost any point of time, It has led me to many a blunders and embarrassing situations. Yeah thats pretty much it. It’s a kind of lethargy, an inactiveness that breeds through my mind, body and soul because I keep on having thoughts which I really shouldn't have.

Now this whole description is a big mess!!! But still I feel that I have begun to understand what actually the problem is!! I don’t think I can really remedy it but still begin to remove it .How? I donno may be I figure it out when I get up tomorrow

Last thought: Alleluia!! I eventually Blogged